I'm a perfectionist, so of course negative feedback isn't always easy to swallow sometimes. But I'm getting better about accepting it. I know I need second opinions to catch what I missed. I'll be upset for a little while, go for a walk, eat chocolate, swear a bit maybe if the situation warrants it, then re-read the comments and evaluate if the feedback has a point.
Some of the most painful criticisms have come from my earliest attempts at writing (which was dangerous because I was just a wee noob, I could have been crushed permanently) and from my mom. When I was just starting out in poetry, I shared this poem I really liked on a poetry group. I got totally shredded by this one guy who came in and didn't like sunshine and rainbow poems, he wanted gritty and dark and rape and all nasty stuff (which I didn't want to write and I still don't really). I didn't stay with that group but it stung because that was one of the first pieces of poetry that I was actually proud of. And the other painful instances of criticism have come from my mom. If I try anything different from what she likes, she looks at me like I'm nuts, tells me, "Why are you writing this? This is weird. I don't like this, go back to writing this other way that I liked better," which stifled my creative voice for a long time.
In the end, I don't mind negative feedback if it is useful. Yes, it smarts, and I need time to move past the sting, but ultimately, if it fits the piece, then it fits and I'll come to see that after a while. If it's just revenge/jealousy/spite, forget it, ain't nobody got time for that petty drama. I went through a couple writing buddies last year because they were just starting out, I had a little more experience under my belt, and I kept getting this competitive vibe from them. I shared a piece with two writing buddies at the time, they said the story didn't make sense, why was this, why was that....and I figured out they hadn't even read the whole thing. So they were just putting me down to make themselves feel good. That will irritate me faster than anything, I swear. Ironically, I didn't accept any of their suggestions for changes and that piece was accepted very enthusiastically by a paranormal romance anthology for publication.
Giving negative feedback is very hard for me because I know what it's like to be on the receiving end of that. I don't ever want to crush someone's writing dreams. So I try to pick out one or two things for improvement and then I'll point out other things that I liked, that they did well. It's so frustrating to get a manuscript filled with red ink on what a person hated and have no idea what actually worked. To just cross out what you don't like doesn't give a direction to go in or build off of. So I try to balance the good and the bad together equally, if at all possible.
Nobody likes being criticized of course, but I think if you really want to improve, you'll come to accept it eventually in some way. I had a friend who wanted to be a writer but she wouldn't show her work to anyone and she never edited. She had her work critiqued by an English teacher *once* and she became so discouraged that she never wanted to hear another word of criticism against her writing again. I don't ever want to be like that. I want my writing to get better. Yes, it's painful, I wish I could skip it. But ultimately, the criticisms I've received have either helped me weed out the crappy reviewers and thickened up my skin, or it's sharpened my writing. In the end, it's a win-win situation for me. I only lose if I let criticism stop me from writing.
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2016-06-05 07:08 pm (UTC)Some of the most painful criticisms have come from my earliest attempts at writing (which was dangerous because I was just a wee noob, I could have been crushed permanently) and from my mom.
When I was just starting out in poetry, I shared this poem I really liked on a poetry group. I got totally shredded by this one guy who came in and didn't like sunshine and rainbow poems, he wanted gritty and dark and rape and all nasty stuff (which I didn't want to write and I still don't really). I didn't stay with that group but it stung because that was one of the first pieces of poetry that I was actually proud of.
And the other painful instances of criticism have come from my mom. If I try anything different from what she likes, she looks at me like I'm nuts, tells me, "Why are you writing this? This is weird. I don't like this, go back to writing this other way that I liked better," which stifled my creative voice for a long time.
In the end, I don't mind negative feedback if it is useful. Yes, it smarts, and I need time to move past the sting, but ultimately, if it fits the piece, then it fits and I'll come to see that after a while.
If it's just revenge/jealousy/spite, forget it, ain't nobody got time for that petty drama. I went through a couple writing buddies last year because they were just starting out, I had a little more experience under my belt, and I kept getting this competitive vibe from them. I shared a piece with two writing buddies at the time, they said the story didn't make sense, why was this, why was that....and I figured out they hadn't even read the whole thing. So they were just putting me down to make themselves feel good. That will irritate me faster than anything, I swear. Ironically, I didn't accept any of their suggestions for changes and that piece was accepted very enthusiastically by a paranormal romance anthology for publication.
Giving negative feedback is very hard for me because I know what it's like to be on the receiving end of that. I don't ever want to crush someone's writing dreams. So I try to pick out one or two things for improvement and then I'll point out other things that I liked, that they did well. It's so frustrating to get a manuscript filled with red ink on what a person hated and have no idea what actually worked. To just cross out what you don't like doesn't give a direction to go in or build off of.
So I try to balance the good and the bad together equally, if at all possible.
Nobody likes being criticized of course, but I think if you really want to improve, you'll come to accept it eventually in some way. I had a friend who wanted to be a writer but she wouldn't show her work to anyone and she never edited. She had her work critiqued by an English teacher *once* and she became so discouraged that she never wanted to hear another word of criticism against her writing again.
I don't ever want to be like that. I want my writing to get better. Yes, it's painful, I wish I could skip it. But ultimately, the criticisms I've received have either helped me weed out the crappy reviewers and thickened up my skin, or it's sharpened my writing. In the end, it's a win-win situation for me. I only lose if I let criticism stop me from writing.