Ha, I relate to this so much: I sometimes need a break after negative feedback, too. I find myself resistant at first, and it's often only after taking a little time off that I can open my mind to it, whether I end up agreeing with the critique in the end or not. To me what matters is not so much whether I accept the criticism or not, but that I not come from a place of ego and defensiveness in my response. And my first reaction almost always is that of ego.
You give very fitting examples of destructive criticism (also HUGS if you want them, both instances are just awful). I think "why aren't you catering to my specific tastes?" is a leading example of critique that should be ignored. Also, congrats on ignoring the haters and getting your story published! XD
My philosophy of giving critique is similar to yours; I always try to point out the good with the bad, and if I find myself being relentlessly negative I try to cool down and explore why, since much like your writing buddies I may be using criticisms of the story to work out issues that have nothing to do with the quality of the story. And sometimes "if you can't say anything nice..." applies and I simply click the back button or otherwise decline to comment.
I'm so with you on the necessity of criticism if one wants to grow as a writer. The question is how to give and receive it in a constructive way. The funny thing is, I often find that the criticism I was the most initially resistant to is the most helpful in the end, since these are likelier to target entrenched problems that I am more defensive of.
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Date: 2016-07-16 11:27 am (UTC)Ha, I relate to this so much: I sometimes need a break after negative feedback, too. I find myself resistant at first, and it's often only after taking a little time off that I can open my mind to it, whether I end up agreeing with the critique in the end or not. To me what matters is not so much whether I accept the criticism or not, but that I not come from a place of ego and defensiveness in my response. And my first reaction almost always is that of ego.
You give very fitting examples of destructive criticism (also HUGS if you want them, both instances are just awful). I think "why aren't you catering to my specific tastes?" is a leading example of critique that should be ignored. Also, congrats on ignoring the haters and getting your story published! XD
My philosophy of giving critique is similar to yours; I always try to point out the good with the bad, and if I find myself being relentlessly negative I try to cool down and explore why, since much like your writing buddies I may be using criticisms of the story to work out issues that have nothing to do with the quality of the story. And sometimes "if you can't say anything nice..." applies and I simply click the back button or otherwise decline to comment.
I'm so with you on the necessity of criticism if one wants to grow as a writer. The question is how to give and receive it in a constructive way. The funny thing is, I often find that the criticism I was the most initially resistant to is the most helpful in the end, since these are likelier to target entrenched problems that I am more defensive of.