[PUBLIC POST] Criticisms of your writing

[ljwrites]

To members: Sorry I completely forgot about this week's midweek Open Chat. I was going to space it out from the last one, and then I got absent-minded, and now it's a bit too late. I'll resume next week, and schedule a post in advance so I don't forget.

To everyone: Let's talk about criticism, specifically criticism of your writing. Some questions to get you started:

- How do you generally respond to negative feedback?
- What's a piece of critical feedback that was painful to you?
- Did criticism help you, and how?
- What was an unhelpful piece of criticism?
- Have you make any changes in response to negative feedback?
- What do you think constitutes helpful negative feedback?
- Giving criticism can be as tricky as receiving it. Do you have any techniques for giving effective criticism?

Feel free to answer one or more of these questions, or to relate any other anecdotes or thoughts about critical feedback.

We'll cheer ourselves up next week with the flip side of this post, positive feedback, so stay tuned for that!

Comments

[warqueenfuriosa]

I'm a perfectionist, so of course negative feedback isn't always easy to swallow sometimes. But I'm getting better about accepting it. I know I need second opinions to catch what I missed. I'll be upset for a little while, go for a walk, eat chocolate, swear a bit maybe if the situation warrants it, then re-read the comments and evaluate if the feedback has a point.

Some of the most painful criticisms have come from my earliest attempts at writing (which was dangerous because I was just a wee noob, I could have been crushed permanently) and from my mom.
When I was just starting out in poetry, I shared this poem I really liked on a poetry group. I got totally shredded by this one guy who came in and didn't like sunshine and rainbow poems, he wanted gritty and dark and rape and all nasty stuff (which I didn't want to write and I still don't really). I didn't stay with that group but it stung because that was one of the first pieces of poetry that I was actually proud of.
And the other painful instances of criticism have come from my mom. If I try anything different from what she likes, she looks at me like I'm nuts, tells me, "Why are you writing this? This is weird. I don't like this, go back to writing this other way that I liked better," which stifled my creative voice for a long time.

In the end, I don't mind negative feedback if it is useful. Yes, it smarts, and I need time to move past the sting, but ultimately, if it fits the piece, then it fits and I'll come to see that after a while.
If it's just revenge/jealousy/spite, forget it, ain't nobody got time for that petty drama. I went through a couple writing buddies last year because they were just starting out, I had a little more experience under my belt, and I kept getting this competitive vibe from them. I shared a piece with two writing buddies at the time, they said the story didn't make sense, why was this, why was that....and I figured out they hadn't even read the whole thing. So they were just putting me down to make themselves feel good. That will irritate me faster than anything, I swear. Ironically, I didn't accept any of their suggestions for changes and that piece was accepted very enthusiastically by a paranormal romance anthology for publication.

Giving negative feedback is very hard for me because I know what it's like to be on the receiving end of that. I don't ever want to crush someone's writing dreams. So I try to pick out one or two things for improvement and then I'll point out other things that I liked, that they did well. It's so frustrating to get a manuscript filled with red ink on what a person hated and have no idea what actually worked. To just cross out what you don't like doesn't give a direction to go in or build off of.
So I try to balance the good and the bad together equally, if at all possible.

Nobody likes being criticized of course, but I think if you really want to improve, you'll come to accept it eventually in some way. I had a friend who wanted to be a writer but she wouldn't show her work to anyone and she never edited. She had her work critiqued by an English teacher *once* and she became so discouraged that she never wanted to hear another word of criticism against her writing again.
I don't ever want to be like that. I want my writing to get better. Yes, it's painful, I wish I could skip it. But ultimately, the criticisms I've received have either helped me weed out the crappy reviewers and thickened up my skin, or it's sharpened my writing. In the end, it's a win-win situation for me. I only lose if I let criticism stop me from writing.

[ljwrites]

(Username and icon love!)

Ha, I relate to this so much: I sometimes need a break after negative feedback, too. I find myself resistant at first, and it's often only after taking a little time off that I can open my mind to it, whether I end up agreeing with the critique in the end or not. To me what matters is not so much whether I accept the criticism or not, but that I not come from a place of ego and defensiveness in my response. And my first reaction almost always is that of ego.

You give very fitting examples of destructive criticism (also HUGS if you want them, both instances are just awful). I think "why aren't you catering to my specific tastes?" is a leading example of critique that should be ignored. Also, congrats on ignoring the haters and getting your story published! XD

My philosophy of giving critique is similar to yours; I always try to point out the good with the bad, and if I find myself being relentlessly negative I try to cool down and explore why, since much like your writing buddies I may be using criticisms of the story to work out issues that have nothing to do with the quality of the story. And sometimes "if you can't say anything nice..." applies and I simply click the back button or otherwise decline to comment.

I'm so with you on the necessity of criticism if one wants to grow as a writer. The question is how to give and receive it in a constructive way. The funny thing is, I often find that the criticism I was the most initially resistant to is the most helpful in the end, since these are likelier to target entrenched problems that I am more defensive of.

[warqueenfuriosa]

(EEEE thank you!! :D Furiosa is so badass awesome *HEART EYES*)

Your excellent reply got me thinking. Even if the feedback isn't helpful, or it's just plain negative all around, it's still a learning experience. You still get a tougher skin (ALWAYS helpful). You still learn to dismiss whatever isn't useful for you and better focus your energies. And even if the critique leaves you defensive, as long as the seed has been planted, you'll still revisit it at some point in the future to better your writing (when you're more ready to hear it maybe).

So in a way, no matter what feedback you might get, you still get something out of it that will change you and your writing. (But it's still not pleasant to go through :P )